Renny’s Letters

More than year has gone by since Renny was last arrested on November 21st, 2011, leading to his prison time. He’s already served the first year of his sentence and has more than a decade to go, unless his parole board decides to let him out earlier. Rex will be well into his teenage years by the time Renny serves his sentence full-time and gets out.

This sole fact is already enough for me to let Renny go and move on. However, we still write letters to each other and his letters almost always make me emotional. No matter how detached I’ve been from him, living far away in the world, his letter always bring me back to right in front of him, behind the bars inside his cell. His letters enclose me in the four cold stone walls of his life. They angered me and made me cry. But his desperate words and search for spiritual wisdom (specifically, the whys of his destructive actions) also filled me with the mixture of forgiveness and compassion. He has a very long road ahead of him.

And so do I, raising Rex along the way.

That’s why I’ve a hard time keeping up with this blog, because it reminds me how I feel alone with so many responsibilities and sacrifices. Every time I write Renny a letter, I’m emotionally worn out by the time I sign my name.

I don’t want to feel that way every time I click ‘Publish’. I don’t want to turn my blog into a place for me to whine and bitch around because life didn’t turn out the way I expected.

Don’t get me wrong, our letters are not entirely of sad stories and angry resentments. We talk about what we read and saw on TV. We talk about the future. We talk a lot about spirituality. I told him he can write for this blog if he is ready and wants to. He said he will.

I also have to prioritize. I’m so happy to tell you that I’m the Production Assistant for ASL Films’ next production which will be filmed in Minnesota this coming spring. I really look forward to experiencing this exciting opportunity.

And not only that, our latest film, SLOT, is already out! Check out www.aslfilms.com for the showings in your area. I’m in it and it is something that I am proud to be part of!

Alas, that means you might hear less from me for the next few months, but this blog is still very much alive, and I will keep you updated every once in while with any kind of news or anything relating to the project or what I am doing. Thank you, my friends, for reading and staying in touch with me! I’m glad you are part of my life! And to others, thank you for your continuing support, I can feel it and I really appreciate it!

Until then,

Bellamie

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12 comments

  1. bitcodavid · March 19, 2013

    The point is that you keep writing. Write for catharsis, write to raise awareness, write to advocate, write to teach and to learn. And as we’ve discussed, DeafInPrison.com would love a piece from you.

    • Bellamie · March 21, 2013

      Of course I’m not going to stop writing. My blog is a big thing in my life, but I have other goals too, both personal and professional, and they often overlap each other. It’s my highest priority to keep people aware about the ongoing situation from the right source. It’s already said over and over, but Deaf community is small and the rumors can sometimes be vicious.

      Renny has a long history with countless people, both good and bad. Many of them were involved in our lives over the course of our documentary-making progress as well as our relationship and marriage. They would tell you their version of the stories. Who’s to believe?

      I don’t care what people are talking about out there, what matters to me the most is I don’t want Rex to grow up hearing different things about his father. He doesn’t deserve it. I want Rex to grow up understanding his father’s consequence of his wrongdoings (and the severity of addiction) and not being afraid to talk about it. Also, I just want to turn my life around. That’s basically the reason I started my blog.

      That was many months ago. In the beginning I just hoped that one day I will finish the documentary that Renny started, but now my passion in writing and filmmaking has become stronger and I am seriously inclined to the possibile reality that one day I will be able to tell my stories on the screen to the audiences near and far. I’m still figuring out how to get there. Meanwhile, I’m just enjoying my life in little ways and being grateful for what I already have.

  2. christy · March 19, 2013

    Be strong. Don’t forget that: you are a living being, in order to take care of your son and yourself, go for the opportunities it offers, take it and breathe in air. Keep writin’ – it’s therapeutic and healthy. by the way I met you at the USDFF tournament in Austin, but it was very short lived. So hope to catch you around sometimes. 🙂

    • Bellamie · March 21, 2013

      Yes I remember we met. Thank you for your comment and it’s true, writing is definitely therapeutic for me!

  3. Samuel Jones · March 20, 2013

    I enjoyed getting acquired with you and Renny before Rex was born but ideafnews hit my feeling very hard. My hope is to see you again with Rex in the future. Sam

    • Bellamie · March 21, 2013

      Thank you!

  4. Kathy Weldon · March 21, 2013

    Hi Bellamie, I just want you to know that you and Rex are in my prayers for strength and goodness in life. I pray for Renny in his struggle to overcome addiction. Addiction is a disease that is hard for anyone to struggled against. I am so glad Renny came to SWCID to speak to students about Addiction. That was a bright spot in your lives. I still have a picture of you two against Palo Duro Canyons. Beautiful! Your soul is beautiful and keep growing Bellamie!

    • Bellamie · March 27, 2013

      Hi Kathy, Thank you for your kind words. I remember that weekend well. I hope that those students who looked up to Renny understand that he is a good person that didn’t know how to handle his emotional turmoils and his way of dealing with them was to hurt many people and then he succumbed to the drugs because he felt guilty. His actions are definitely inexcusable and he is serving his punishment for them, so I hope they set the examples for other families who are going through similar things. Thanks again for taking us to the Palo Duro Canyons. It was the trip I will never forget! 🙂

  5. bitcodavid · March 25, 2013

    BitcoDavid has nominated you for the Dragon’s Loyalty award. Click here to accept.
    http://deafinprison.wordpress.com/2013/03/24/moorbey-puts-us-up-for-dragons-loyalty-award/

    • Bellamie · March 27, 2013

      Thank you!

  6. Mr. Homer (@wojtekc27) · June 25, 2013

    i am so happy to find this blog Bellamie, i had no idea about your life, its so amazing to hear your story, i really wish you best luck in all and thank you for writing this, it really touch my heart

    “Thank you, my friends, for reading and staying in touch with me! I’m glad you are part of my life! And to others, thank you for your continuing support, I can feel it and I really appreciate it!”

    • Bellamie · July 4, 2013

      Thank you!

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